From: Upper Management
RE: Visitor Conduct
I am very well aware that you enjoy having guests stop by the house. New faces, new smells, new people to annoy. I get it. However, this week after you insisted on invading a guest's personal space and staring them down with your bug eyes for a solid two hours I feel we need to review the ground rules for entertaining with you...again.
1. Welcome Committee of One- tone down the girlish shrieks when they walk in the door. We have a door bell for that and no one wants to go deaf before they make it out of the entry way.
2. Communal beverage- when I offer a guest a drink please refrain from sticking your head in their cup. This is not Communion.
3. Snoring Headrest- people don't mind you sitting by them, but try avoid chillaxing on their heads when we sit down on the sofa to chat.
4. Cleaning Crew- our guests have hopefully bathed before coming over, so please discontinue the licking. Generous, but gross.
5. Bathroom Buddies- the guests usually prefer not having a four-legged friend watch them pee, so please stop following them into the bathroom. It's rude.
Hopefully, with these helpful reminders guests will now make a return visit.
P.S. Any requests for a Halloween costume?