Friday, September 4, 2009

a memo to pug #5

To: Pug
From: Upper Management
Date: 9/4/09
RE: Visitor Conduct

Dearest Pug,

I am very well aware that you enjoy having guests stop by the house. New faces, new smells, new people to annoy. I get it. However, this week after you insisted on invading a guest's personal space and staring them down with your bug eyes for a solid two hours I feel we need to review the ground rules for entertaining with you...again.

1. Welcome Committee of One- tone down the girlish shrieks when they walk in the door. We have a door bell for that and no one wants to go deaf before they make it out of the entry way.

2. Communal beverage- when I offer a guest a drink please refrain from sticking your head in their cup. This is not Communion.

3. Snoring Headrest- people don't mind you sitting by them, but try avoid chillaxing on their heads when we sit down on the sofa to chat.

4. Cleaning Crew- our guests have hopefully bathed before coming over, so please discontinue the licking. Generous, but gross.

5. Bathroom Buddies- the guests usually prefer not having a four-legged friend watch them pee, so please stop following them into the bathroom. It's rude.

Hopefully, with these helpful reminders guests will now make a return visit.

With love,

P.S. Any requests for a Halloween costume?


d.a.r. said...

HAhaha my pug does all of those weird things, too! She also has a thing for hair product? She likes to get on the back of the couch and roll and nestle in people's hair! So weird! She comes up with hair wrapped in her wrinkles and whiskers. She also loooves beer and freaks out if she sees a beer bottle...

Heather said...

This is so stinkin' hilarious!!! Hope you have a great weekend!

Breadwinner Wife said...

Awww your dog just sounds like a sweetie. This was so funny.

agent99 said...

Opps, I guess my letter arrived in YOUR mailbox.....apparently my pugs seem to have the same ideas as yours. I will read them the letter; hope it helps. They seem to have selective deafism.

Lauren Kelly said...

Ha, love these!!! :)

Whitney said...

You just described Ida Claire. Except for the beverage part. She knows I would clip her little tail off if she messed with anyone's food. Ha!

Anonymous said...

Oh my goodness... I decided to read one random extra memo and it was #5. I laughed so hard I cried. Every time I started reading the memo to my husband I'd start laughing harder. I'll have to have the same memo sent to my girls. Several of your points believe me hit home: the welcome bark, keeping somebody company in the bathroom, and the grooming of the guest. I'll have to send this link to my Mom. Thanks for making me laugh!